Recently, God has been teaching me from the Book of Hebrews about what faith is. Having known theoretically the meaning of faith, I thank God for placing a particular situation in my life to test me. Looking at it now from hindsight, I want to use it to testify of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

As work was piling up during the last 3 weeks, I became rather stressed up, not because I couldn’t meet the deadlines, but because I wanted to do by best for the assignment.

This Film and History module in which I’m taking requires me to hand in a 500 words essay fortnightly for 5 separate weeks. I did relatively well for my very 1st essay, scoring better than most of the cohort and I was very pleased with my results. I reckoned that if I could reproduce the quality of my 1st essay for the other 4 remaining ones, I would be able to do well. However, though I tried my very best later, spending a lot of time and effort into writing, my grades for the subsequent 2 essays were not very good. I became very discouraged and disappointed with my results which couldn’t reflect the effort I had put in. I began to question why I had tried so hard in the 1st place and wanted to give up working hard.

At that point of time, I thank God that he revealed the truth to me. I realised that the good grades that I was having didn’t come from me. It came from God. I wasn’t because I was capable and good that I achieved good grades in the first place. I realised that I got those good grades because it was a reward of hard work by the grace of God. To put it in the broader sense, no man can truly claim the fruit of his labour by how much he has toiled and laboured, for all blessings come from God and God is the rewarder and the giver of all things.

When I saw that, immediately, my disappointments vanished because I knew who was the one in control. What a wonderful thing to know that my grades are also in the hands of the living God. The rewards of my hard work are reaped, not because I deserve it, but because it is given as a form of grace from God.

I also brought to the light about an inner problem that is within me. Once again, I discovered that the stress was not there because of the work, but because of my inability to fulfil my desire, which is to do well. There is nothing wrong per se in desiring to do well in studies, but I am convinced that my desiring was not pleasing to God because God was not first place. I had desired good grades more than I have desired God and hence, I was working so hard to achieve them.

This brought me to the experience of what faith is. Faith was a desire just as in Hebrews 11:16 is says: “But as it is, they (all those who died in faith) desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”

The problem was in my desire. Having desired a lesser thing which is good grades, and desiring God less, God’s glory and greatness is suppressed. When God is given less than first place, he is not given the glory and honour that he is due.

To me, this was an opportunity for an application of faith. I finally knew what it means to say ‘Seek ye First the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you’. It just means, “God, I have faith in you, because you are better and more precious in my life than my grades. I want you more than anything in my life.”

I finally understood what Matthew 5:6 – “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” means. Hungering and thirsting is desiring. When we desire righteousness in our lives, we shall be rewarded.

When God is desired, first and foremost, above all other things, all the rest shall be added unto us. God turned my heart’s desire towards him and truly he took care of the rest. For my subsequent essay, I was rewarded with a good grade as a testimony of his faithfulness. Thank you, Lord!

This is my desire, to honour You
Lord with all my heart, I worship You
all I have within me, I give You praise
all that I adore, is in You

Chorus
Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breathe that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord, have Your way in me

May God truly be our heart’s desire and may we always trust in him to provide for us.