For the past few weeks, busyness have consumed me such that I haven’t been able to read God’s word or spend quality time in mediation. Not surprisingly, I have slipped back into my old ways of life in sin. It’s just startling that though I know that I need the living word of God, I chose to satisfy myself with sinful things, thinking that I could really be satisfied by them. As God’s word became increasingly distasteful, sin became increasingly alluring. But yet, while I was in sin, there was a particular heaviness upon my heart that was contributing to a weariness and dryness of my soul.

Just as the Psalmist says in Ps 32: 3 about unconfessed sin:

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night, your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer

Just as the Psalmist says in Ps 6:2b-3a:

….for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony, My soul is in anguish…..

This was my experience when I was in sin. The guilt of sin was like a heavy burden upon my heart. The consequence of sin, which distanced me from God, deprived me of rest and peace throughout the days. It felt as if I was a slave to sin, such that I had to sin and can’t ever come out of it. Everyday, sin was dragging me down, yet I couldn’t not be dragged down by it. I had to entertain it. I had to go with its flow. I was part of it.

Yesterday, with that heavy burden upon my heart, I went to church not being able to praise and worship God for most of the worship service. I felt it difficult to mean the words I sang. I felt it difficult to enjoy the sermon as I ought to. I was wrestling throughout to experience God, but it seems like I just couldn’t. But then, finally, God did speak to me during the closing song. We sang “Amazing Grace”, the modern version; and the chorus went:

My chains are gone, I’ve been set free
My God, my saviour, has ransomed me
and like a flood, His mercy reigns,
Unending love, amazing grace

Suddenly, there was the realisation of freedom in Christ. Yes, it was the cross that broke the chains of sin. MY CHAINS ARE GONE!!!!! I’M FREE!!!!

I recalled the verse in Romans 6:6-7:

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

God brought me back to what He taught me years ago when I just started this blog! He brought me back to what was accomplished at the cross. His cross did not just take away the guilt of my sin, but it took away the power of sin over me.

My chains are gone! I’ve been set free, because I have died with Christ and I am no longer a slave to sin. I have died Christ, so I am freed from sin. No more has sin dominion over me, Christ has! No more will I be defeated to the sin that controls me so powerfully. My life belongs to Christ, no more to sin! In Christ I always have the victory over the power of sin.

Today, I was reading a meditation on Psalms 13. Psalms 13 is about the dryness of a soul and the weariness of sin. It is about God hiding his face from the seeker of God. It is about a desperate soul crying and longing for the presence of God again. The last 2 verses (5 &6) struck a chord in me:

(My situation with God now is terrible) But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me

This 2 verses gave me a lot of comfort. I remembered the unfailing love of God in His salvation. O how my heart rejoices in His salvation – My chains are gone! I’ve been set free! Sin no longer has power and dominion over me! And God has been good to me. God has blessed me with so many uncountable blessings in my life. Though I’ve not been able to enjoy God as much as in the past, though God seems silent, though I seem to be unfruitful right now, I trust in who God is and what He has done for me on the cross, and I know my God will return to me and once again pour out His blessings upon me.

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