What Now?
Life had been going on day by day during my national service such that it subtlely became a huge part of my life. Daily, I was looking forward to go to my workplace and coming back home as soon as possible, so as to pass through my national service life as quickly as possible. Indeed, these two years passed so much quicker than I thought.
But when it all ended, it felt so weird. To me, when completing national service, there wasn’t the picture of freedom like a release from prison or something along those lines. But it was more like throwing me into a desert in the middle of nowhere. That was the feeling I got: the sense of emptiness, the sense of loss.
In the past, there was so much to do, so many tasks to be completed daily. Suddenly, there is nothing to do. That huge part of my life is suddenly taken away such that I am left with nothing.
What now?
Frankly speaking during this two weeks of freedom, I haven’t been spending my time really wisely. My body is still on its way to adjusting back into non-working life. More so, my body is quite reluctant to step out of its comfort zone, wishing it was back there in my camp. It is not that my army life was comfortable throughout, but that I had so gotten use to its routine that it felt so uncomfortable to break out of it.
Well, I guess I learnt something amidst my slow, uncomfortable adjustment period.
I am reminded of the Israelites who just departed out of Egypt into the wilderness. They grumbled against God and Moses, preferring to stay in Egypt as slaves rather than to be out there in the hot dry wilderness.
Exodus 16:3 - “And the sons of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the Lord’s hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”
Exodus 17:3 - “But the people thirsted there for water; and they grumbled against Moses and said, “Why, now, have you brought us up from Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?”
Numbers 11:5,6 - “We remember the fish which we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucmbers and the melons and the leeks and the onions and the garlic, but now our appeitite is gone. THere is nothing at all to look at except this manna.”
It seems that the Israelites kept wanting to go back to Egypt where they came from, even though they knew that Egypt was a place of slavery for them. Each time they encountered a problem in the wilderness, they would dream of themselves back in Egypt with the so little that they had as slaves.
Yes, they were free from slavery now. But there was this reluctance of enjoying freedom. They preferred to be in their comfort zone, though it was in fact not so comfortable. They felt so weird and unnatural being in the wilderness in the middle of nowhere with nothing at all. There is this thing in them that makes them want to go back, even back into slavery, rather that suffer the unknowns and perils of the wilderness.
Thinking through all these things, I truly felt I could empathize with them to a slight little bit. My situation now is quite a parallel to theirs having to leave my not-so-comfortable comfort zone to a place in the middle of nowhere: The “What now?” situation.
I do recall a verse in Galatians 5:1.
“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”
What a timely reminder this verse is to me, not so much of how it relates to my freedom from national service, but my spiritual freedom.
As my physical body longs to be back in my comfort zone of national service, my soul longs to go back into its comfort zone of sin. The sinful nature is so natural, so comfortable to all man. It is my nature, something I am borned for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
But Christ has set us free from slavery of sin and the world by his death on the Cross of Calvary. We are no longer captives to sin and the world.
Somehow, what Paul said is so true of me. Knowing that I am free, I complain just like the Israelites, longing for the simple pleasures of Egypt. I complain so much of how people can do certain things and enjoy certain things but I can’t. I dream sometimes of just going back into the world to enjoy all the worldly pleasures once more, not knowing that these pleasures are but temporal and pale in comparison to the pleasure of resting in God. Truly, I do not know the true pleasure, the joy of resting in God.
I believe that once this joy is realised, all the things on earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace. We would not go back to enjoy the small little pleasures of the world to grieve God any longer once we realise it.
Though currently in the wilderness, being unable to enjoy the pleasures of Egypt, we would be led to the promised land, the land flowing with milk and honey, given by God to us for our possession.
Hebrews 11:13,16 - “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”
Abraham and the saints of old desired a better country, a heavenly one. Recongnising that they were strangers on earth, they had foregone the pleasures of this life and God brought them into the promised land, the better heavenly country.
Oh how we thank God that he has also prepared a place for us in his city, that he is calling us to leave all we have behind in this Egypt and come home to him.
What now? Don’t go back, move forward.
